♪ Thank you for being a friend
♪ Traveled down the road and back again
♪ Your heart is true
♪ You're a pal and a confidant
♪ And if you threw a party
♪ Invited everyone you knew
♪ You would see
♪ The biggest gift would be from me
♪ And the card attached would say
♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪
BLANCHE: On the last episode of The Golden Girls.
Oh, girls, I have great news!
I just talked to my daughter, Janet,
and she and my granddaughter, Sarah, are comin' to visit in a couple of days.
Oh, I've never been so happy.
Janet? Isn't she the daughter who hates you?
Well, that didn't last long, did it?
Well, look, Rose, you know you missed your high school reunion
because you didn't feel well?
Here's your chance to go to one.
And for Dorothy and me to meet some men.
Me, too! Me, too!
Dorothy!
(PEOPLE GASPING)
Oh, my God. Somebody get help!
Oh, girls, thank God you're here.
I'm sorry I scared you.
The doctor just wants me to stay here overnight for observation.
Honey, don't be sorry. We're just so happy you're feeling better.
I've never been afraid of dying.
That's 'cause I'm not gonna stay dead.
I'm gonna get frozen.
And I need your solemn promises
that you'll have your heads frozen, too.
Oh, excuse me. We're here to pick up our friend.
Are they doing some tests before they let her go?
Rose Nylund?
I'm sorry to have to tell you this,
but she went into cardiac arrest.
They're prepping her for surgery.
WOMAN ON PA: Dr. Branville, please call the operator. Dr. Branville.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
What do you mean, she's going into surgery?
I talked to her last night. She was fine.
This is why we keep people here for observation.
When can we see Rose? Are you related to her?
No, but we're her friends.
I'm sorry, she's in pre-op
and only her family can see her now.
Now, we have contacted her daughter,
and Mrs. Nylund will be going into surgery
just as soon as the doctor gets here.
Yeah, but Kirsten lives an hour away from here.
We don't want Rose to be alone now.
I'm sorry. Those are the rules.
But don't worry, your friend is in stable condition.
Then why can't we see her?
I said family only.
Look...
You have never met this woman's family.
They live in a place called St. Olaf.
They fight over whether it's macaroni and cheese,
or cheese and macaroni.
They have given cows the right to vote.
A magician once pulled a rabbit out of a hat.
They burned him as a witch.
Don't look at me like that. I'm telling you the truth.
Look, I'm sure you're very close to Mrs. Nylund,
and I know you feel like a family... Well, I am family.
I'm her long lost Swedish mother.
You're her Swedish mother?
Ja. Ja.
You bet yer sure.
Oh, come on, let me in. I'm afraid not.
Here, let me try, Sophia.
Nurse, now we realize that the hospital has rules,
and you have to try to uphold those rules.
But you have to realize that this is a very special case.
So I'm gonna quote from the Bible
just to show you how determined we really are.
Now the Good Book says, um...
Oh, "Neither rain, nor sleet, nor... Nor dark of night,
"shall keepeth uth from our appointed rounds."
Amen.
I can see you are a non-believer.
I think it's nice that you're trying to quote the Bible.
The only thing that's been in more hotel rooms than she has,
and she can't remember a word of it.
Look, it's obvious they're not gonna let us see Rose,
so I think the only thing we can do is pray.
All right.
Oh, please, God, hear our prayer.
"From the halls of Montezuma
"to the shores of Tripoli."
WOMAN ON PA: Dr. Kyle. Dr. Engles.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
Fine. Thank you. Goodbye.
Has Kirsten left yet?
I was talkin' to her husband.
He's staying with the girls and she's on her way.
Thank God. Oh, I still can't believe it.
They're not gonna let us in to see Rose.
I bought some food. I mean, this is ridiculous.
Tell me about it. $11.50 for coffee and donuts?
Ma, where did you get the money for this?
I took it from your purse.
Oh, Sophia, you know what the Bible says,
"Thou shalt not steal."
Hey, she got one!
Ma, please, no jokes.
Pussycat, we all deal with this in our own way.
Some people make nervous little jokes, some people cry.
Remember how you went to the maternity ward?
Gee, I had forgotten that.
What about the maternity ward?
When Dorothy's father was sick in the hospital,
she and I would go upstairs and visit the maternity ward.
The night Sal died,
I went looking for Dorothy and found her there.
I remember because they were just putting a newborn in his bassinet
and I thought, "That baby must have been born just as Sal died."
He even looked like Sal.
Of course, all babies look like Sal.
Especially when he took out his teeth.
Oh, God, I miss that man.
Me, too, Ma.
And then the strangest thing happened.
They put the baby's last name in the window
and it was Rheingold.
What was so strange about that?
Rheingold. Rheingold was Sal's favorite beer.
He was always walkin' around the apartment singing that damn jingle,
"My beer is Rheingold the dry beer."
♪ Think of Rheingold whenever you buy beer
♪ It's not bitter, not sweet
BOTH: ♪ It's the extra dry treat
♪ Won't you try extra dry Rheingold beer? ♪
Well, I'm glad to see my mother's illness hasn't upset you all.
Look, uh, Kirsten...
Look, just never mind, how's my mother?
(EXHALES) We don't know. They have her in ICU.
They're waiting for the surgeon.
Honey, why don't you speak to one of the nurses?
We'll come with you. Oh, no.
Just continue with your little sing-along.
Kirsten, listen...
Leave her alone, pussycat. She's scared.
I'm scared, too.
Why does it always have to take something like this
to make us realize how much we take life for granted?
(EXCLAIMING) Amen to that.
I used to, but not anymore.
Hell, at my age, you can't take lunch for granted.
I had a tuna fish sandwich.
It was beautiful.
Well, Rose never takes anything for granted.
She's never afraid to try something new.
(LAUGHING)
You remember the time she took that playwriting course?
Oh, God.
She turned Mary Had a Little Lamb into a musical.
Don't laugh. Blanche was terrific as Mary.
And I made a pretty good lamb,
even though my knees were killing me for weeks.
And Dorothy's performance stole the show.
Come on, I mean how could you not with material like that?
♪ I am the wolf Boom, boom
♪ The big bad wolf Boom, boom
♪ Hello
I'm really glad you all are having such a good time.
Kirsten, I know this looks a little strange,
but honestly, it isn't.
Look, I really don't care. I'm thinking about my mother now.
Did you find out anything?
The doctor's coming out to talk to me in a few minutes.
I don't understand how this can be happening.
My mother was the healthiest person I knew.
(STAMMERS) You know, ever since she moved in with you guys,
I don't understand what her life is like anymore.
She--She's always out with the girls.
And there's always these weird things.
Like, one time I pulled into your driveway,
and you were dressed in a petticoat,
you were dressed like a lamb,
and you were both getting in the car with a big, scary dog.
Wolf.
I was a wolf.
Your mother was just havin' fun.
Yeah, well, all this fun is killing her.
I just wish she'd moved in with me when I asked her to.
Kirsten, you're just upset. We all are.
But you have to know these two women love her like a sister.
And I love your mother like she was my own.
Yeah, well, you're forgetting one thing, though.
I'm her daughter. You're not her family.
Why does everybody keep saying that?
We share our lives together.
You share a house together.
Kirsten Adams? Yes?
I'm Dr. Shrewsbury.
H-H-How's my mother? Is she gonna be okay?
Your mother has to have a triple bypass.
(ALL GASPING)
When can we see her, Doctor?
Are you related to the patient?
No, they're not.
Well, I'm sorry. Only relatives can see the patient.
This is a very serious operation,
but we are gonna do the best that we can.
C-Can I see my mother first?
Oh, of course.
Oh, my God.
Rose is gonna have a triple bypass.
Well, she needs us.
She's going into surgery soon.
We just sedated her,
and in a few seconds she may not be coherent,
so please keep it brief.
Mom?
Mom, it's me.
Oh, Kirsten, I'm so glad you came.
Oh, don't worry, Mom.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Kirsten, where are the girls?
Oh, they're too young to come to the hospital.
Not your girls. My girls.
My girls aren't too young for anything.
(CLEARS THROAT) They're-- They're-- They're waiting outside.
Why don't you just relax? We don't have to talk.
Oh, no.
I'm fine. Listen,
I want you to do me a favor.
Anything.
If something happens,
I want you to look after Dorothy
and Blanche and Sophia for me.
Sure, Mom. Whatever you want.
And there's something else I want to tell you.
Now lean in close.
This is very important.
"Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"
Wow, this stuff really packs a wallop.
Mom.
Mom, listen to me,
you have to promise me that you're gonna be okay.
I don't want anything to happen to you.
I want you to be around for a long time.
Oh, don't worry, sweetheart, I'll be around.
I'm gonna have my head frozen.
So are Dorothy and Blanche and Sophia.
And someday, they'll find a cure
and then they'll unfreeze us.
Isn't that a good idea, Kirsten?
How much of this stuff did you give her?
How are you feeling, Mrs. Nylund? You ready to go?
That's a good question, Mr. Carson.
But first I'd like to sing a number from my new album.
Yep, she's ready.
We're gonna do everything that we can.
Thank you.
Wait just a second.
Come here, Kirsten. Kiss me goodbye.
Mom, don't say that. Everything's gonna be fine.
Come here and kiss Mommy goodbye.
My heinie's asleep.
Fine. We'll keep our voices down.
It's a beautiful thing you two have together.
What?
You and Sophia are the closest
mother and daughter I ever knew.
I wish I had had that with my mother.
You know, when she... When she died,
George and I got to the hospital too late.
I didn't get to say goodbye to her.
And now I'm not gonna get to say goodbye...
Stop it, Blanche.
Rose can beat this. Hell, if I can beat it, she can.
And you know how I know? Because she's strong.
Strong like me.
(GROANING)
Oh, yeah, that's right.
You went through heart surgery, too, didn't you, Sophia?
No, I take nitroglycerin because I want to explode.
Here you are.
When you weren't at home, I figured somethin' was wrong with Rose.
Is she okay?
She's havin' open-heart surgery.
Oh, no.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Oh, come on, darlin'. I'll take you.
And bring back some of those paper seat covers.
Hey, you collect stamps.
WOMAN ON PA: Dr. Callahan, Dr. Callahan, call...
Kirsten.
Kirsten, what's going on?
Uh, well, they just brought my mother out of surgery and she...
Well, she doesn't look so good.
When can we see her?
I don't think that would be a very good idea right now.
What did the doctor say?
He said that the next few hours were very crucial,
and that even if she makes it,
she may need a lot of physical therapy,
and her insurance doesn't really cover that,
and I don't know what we're gonna do.
Don't you worry about that.
Oh, honey, if Rose needs physical therapy,
we'll just simply see that she gets it.
Hell, that's why houses have mortgages.
You'd do that for her? Of course.
Honey, we made a pact a few years ago
that if anything happened to any one of us,
the other three would take care of her.
Sort of an extra insurance policy.
Oh, she's very lucky to have all of you.
Honey, she is very lucky to have you, too.
(SOBBING) No, she's not.
Kirsten, stop. Your mother loves you very much.
Just last week she was saying how much she missed you.
Sometimes mothers and daughters drift apart.
Dorothy and I did.
I put her away.
She sure did.
But sometimes it takes something like this
to bring you back together again.
But you've gotta be strong for her.
She needs you.
I think she needs you, too.
Where are you going, Kirsten?
I'm gonna go talk to the doctor about you.
I think my mother needs to be with her family now.
All of her family.
You can only stay a few minutes.
And please, keep it down.
Don't worry, Doctor. Thank you.
(HEART MONITOR BEEPING)
BLANCHE: Oh, God, Dorothy, look at her.
It's the surgery. Nobody looks good after surgery.
Tell that to Cher.
Please, Ma, not now.
No, Dorothy. You're wrong. I know Rose can hear us,
and if we act like it's over, she will, too.
Don't worry, kiddo.
We're all here. You're gonna be fine.
Dorothy is here. Blanche is here.
She wants you to get out of the bed, so she can use it.
There's a cute doctor she's got her eye on.
God, where is she?
Where is Rose now?
(SCREAMING)
Rose!
Blanche! Dorothy!
ALL: We're heads! We're heads!
ALL: Oh, God, we're heads!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Wait a minute. Calm down.
Calm down, everybody.
How did this happen?
I remember.
That moron made us promise we'd have our heads frozen
and meet 100 years later.
And we did it?
I guess so.
But I thought they'd have given us bodies by now.
What the hell made you think
that people would be lining up to donate their bodies?
God, we look like a reunion of Henry VIII's wives.
Come on, Dorothy, look on the bright side for a change.
Okay.
Blanche, you've lost weight.
Rose Nylund, I could just strangle you.
With what?
Oh, come on, now, let's not fight.
We went through all this trouble so we could be together,
the least we can do is enjoy it.
Yeah, okay, I guess you're right.
Fine. Of course.
But we're heads!
We're heads!
ALL: Oh, God, we're heads!
Now, calm down. Calm down.
Now, everybody, calm down.
So, Blanche, how did you die?
I was 92-years-old,
and I'd just met this really cute little tennis instructor,
so I told him I needed lessons.
Well, he came over to the house and I was in the bathtub.
So I asked him if he would mind spongin' off my back.
He said, "Sure."
So I waited a little while before I made my move and...
Oh, this is disgusting.
I mean, right up until the end you...
My final words were,
"Thank you, baby. Glub, glub, glub."
How did you die, Dorothy?
Well, you know that sign at the gorilla cage at the zoo,
"Do not lean over the fence"? ROSE: Yeah.
They mean it.
I guess you know how I died.
In that hospital.
The last thing I remember, I was talking to you and Sophia and...
Hey, where is Sophia?
Didn't she have her head frozen, too?
I guess not.
Poor Ma. Instead of being here with us,
she's all alone in some dark, cold box six feet under.
Sorry I'm late.
Dorothy, chin up. Posture's important.
God, she's alive!
By the way, Dorothy, I sold that video of you falling into the gorilla pit
to America's Funniest Home Videos.
Ma, how could you?
I won!
Of course, it was a lot funnier when they added the sound effects.
Boink, boink, boink, boink, doink!
Ma, how can you still be alive?
You have to be 200 by now.
No, I died a long time ago. I had my head frozen.
Yeah, but how did you get a body so fast?
You didn't tip the guy?
(EXCLAIMING)
Well, at least that proves they can do it.
How do you like your new body, Sophia?
Love it.
I've got the body of a 25-year-old. And I'm in luck.
The in thing now is young bodies with old heads.
(SPLUTTERING)
Rose, this stinks. This really stinks.
Oh, it's all my fault.
If I hadn't made you promise, this never would have happened.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...
I'm sorry. Dorothy, she's talking.
I'm sorry. What is it, Rose?
I'm sorry I died. Oh.
No, Rose, you didn't.
And honey, we're all here.
Ma, Blanche, me.
Oh, girls, I had the most wonderful dream.
Sophia, you had the body of a 25-year-old.
And Blanche, you were having sex till you were 92.
(EXCLAIMING)
And Dorothy, you...
Well, you met somebody who couldn't keep his hands off you.
Maybe we ought to let you rest, honey.
Oh, don't go.
Seeing you all here makes me know I'm alive.
It's a miracle.
Oh, yes, it is.
Dorothy finally met somebody.
Are you ready?
I just heard Rose and Kirsten pull up.
Oh! Oh, let's hide. Wait. Wait.
Do you really think it's such a great idea to scream "surprise"
at someone who just had heart surgery?
(DOOR OPENING)
(WHISPERING) Surprise.
(WHISPERING) For who?
(WHISPERING) For you.
(GASPS)
Oh, honey, how are you feeling?
Oh, I'm fine.
We're just so glad to have you back.
Oh, it's so good to be back. I couldn't have done it without you.
Where's Sophia?
She's in the kitchen, sweetheart.
She has a little surprise for you.
Oh, great.
(KNIFE CLANGING)
Hey, look who's back.
Oh, no!
What, you never dropped a knife before?
Welcome back, baby!
Oh, sweetie.
(EXCLAIMING)